A Southern Point of View
HomeHome  FAQFAQ  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share | 

 Barbie's Letter to Santa...

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Sassy Kims


Posts : 1060
Join date : 2012-01-02
Location : Somewhere.... with Her

PostSubject: Barbie's Letter to Santa...   Fri Dec 07, 2012 6:27 am

Dear Santa,

Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your bacon every year, being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and dressing in fake Channel at sappy tea parties.

I hate to break it to ya Santa, but it's payback time. There had better be some changes around here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you don't wanna be around to smell it.

These are my demands for Christmas

1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him, bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boy-toy Ken. And what was up with that earring anyway? HELLO!?
4. It's about time you made us all anatomically correct. Give me arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. 'Nuff said.
6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7.A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher don't cut it. I want to make real money.
8. A new persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a pint of cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl complexion.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 53 years - I think I deserve a piece of the action.

Considering my valuable contribution to society and Mattel, I think these demands are reasonable. If you you don't like it you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple. As ever,

Back to top Go down
Poet Laureate


Posts : 3772
Join date : 2011-11-01

PostSubject: Re: Barbie's Letter to Santa...   Fri Dec 07, 2012 7:41 am

Giggle Never thought of it from her viewpoint. You tell him, Barbie!!! Clap
Back to top Go down
Poet Laureate


Posts : 2584
Join date : 2011-05-19
Location : Somewhere .... with him.

PostSubject: Re: Barbie's Letter to Santa...   Fri Dec 07, 2012 8:03 am

Thumbup cheer
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content

PostSubject: Re: Barbie's Letter to Santa...   

Back to top Go down
Barbie's Letter to Santa...
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
» An Open Letter to Carter-Ruck about there clients
» Transcript of Letter to Lord Strathcona from Sam Steele
» Famous people (using the last letter of the previous name)
» Brown's letter of sympathy.
» Carter Ruck letter to Bob Parsons CEO

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alabamian :: Eat, Drink & Be Merry-
Jump to: