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 Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?

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Sassy Kims
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Leo

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PostSubject: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 6:21 am


As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel from her cruddy hands.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers and are full on arsenic and growth hormones.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a
quarter coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF
A VERY GOOD DAY…
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Ubu
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Pisces

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:19 am

bahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Giggle Giggle Giggle
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Joy
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Aquarius

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:21 am

Crackingup Crackingup Crackingup Crackingup Crackingup
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Purr
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Gemini

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:35 am

Honey, have you any idea how many germs are lurking
on the TV remote?
Loving you as i do, from here on out i volunteer to put my life at risk by
taking full control of it Very Happy I love you
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Ubu
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Pisces

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:41 am

TREED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Giggle Giggle
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Sassy Kims
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Leo

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 11:03 am

But dear The remote doesn't work from the kitchen. And you know that is were I spend most of my time! Cool
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Ubu
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Pisces

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 11:06 am

hmmmmmmmmm...........that's a first

a REVERSE treed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Razz Razz Razz
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Synchronicity
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Pisces

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 12:00 pm

Wheee!!! yay

But my experience is that a man can still attempt and often succeed in controlling that old nasty, germy remote from any room in the house. Good luck with that, Purr Giggle
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Ubu
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Pisces

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 12:17 pm

Synchronicity wrote:
Wheee!!! yay

But my experience is that a man can still attempt and often succeed in controlling that old nasty, germy remote from any room in the house. Good luck with that, Purr Giggle

It's one of our many Jedi skills.......... Giggle
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Pisces

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 12:18 pm

I think you're right, Ubu. Along with that "putting the seat back down" thing Giggle
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Gemini

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 4:48 pm

Sassy Kims wrote:
But dear The remote doesn't work from the kitchen. And you know that is were I spend most of my time! Cool

Very true. And the skills you have outside the living room are so spectacular i will gladly hand over the remote whenever you ask Very Happy
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Synchronicity
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Pisces

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 4:50 pm

She means when he washes the dishes Yes
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Purr
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Gemini

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 7:53 pm

uhhhh, yea .....i mean washing the dishes Whistle

Kitty
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Sassy Kims
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Leo

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:53 pm

:::sigh:::

I try to remember that seat thing...and the light switch thing...and the candy wrapper thing... Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes

really I do... pale

:::sigh:::
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Pisces

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:57 pm

Giggle It's so hard to be a man...poor baby Giggle
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Sassy Kims
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Leo

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:07 pm

Perhaps I should ask for a subscription to this for Christmas...





Giggle Giggle Giggle Giggle Giggle
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Purr
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Gemini

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:25 pm

Sassy Kims wrote:
:::sigh:::

I try to remember that seat thing...and the light switch thing...and the candy wrapper thing... Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes

really I do... pale

:::sigh:::

and the cabinet door thing, and the brass cartridges in the washing machine and dryer thing Laughing
But honey, you just keep doing what you're so good at and i will happily continue to take care of those other things Yes
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Aquarius

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PostSubject: Re: Gee, thanks...now where's the disinfectant?   Thu Nov 22, 2012 7:40 am

Giggle Giggle Giggle
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